One afternoon, my husband and I sat down with our girls to discuss the topic of sharing. Questions like, “Why do I have to share, Mommy?” to “Daddy, do we have to share everything?” were brought up.

This led to a fun demonstration and conversation. My goal was to drive home how there are limits to sharing, boundaries if you will (Exodus 20:17, Galatians 6:5 Exodus 23:31). I decided to begin this topic through questions.

I first started by asking my girls if we shared toothbrushes. A fast, confident, and loud, “No!” proceeded from their lips.

I then asked, “Do we share underwear?” A contagious big, belly laugh ensued from all of us, as they shouted “No!”

Finally, I stood up and had my husband stand next to me, while I whispered in his ear to play along.

“Now girls,” I said, “Let’s pretend I am no longer Mommy”. Confused stares were produced.

“Instead, I am another Mommy. Actually, no. Scratch that! I am a single woman. That means, I have never been married. And I just laid eyes on Daddy for the first time. And boyyyyyy is he handsome, tall and oh so smart. I’ve always had a crush on Aladdin, didn’t you know! And he reminds me of him! This must be a sign from God! I think I want him to be mine!” I giggled.

“NO! He’s MOMMY’S! And, he is MY DADDY!” the girls yelled. Visibly upset.

“Ah…yes. He is your daddy and he is MY husband…Girls, does mommy share daddy? Actually, let me rephrase that. Does Mommy have to share daddy?”

“No, Mommy…” they quickly replied, displaying clear evidence of long-term potentiation of synaptogenesis.

They were absolutely right. Cue the “The Boy is Mine” by Brandy & Monica song.

Correcto. We do not share husbands (Exodus 20:17, Matthew 5:28, Mark 10:9). More on that on a later blog.

In fact, we do not have to nor do we share everything in life.

This topic led to further discussion on the appropriate times to say no to sharing. As thoughts synthesized among us, a message became so clear.

This message being that if we find ourselves sharing out of fear, this sharing is no longer rooted in love for our neighbor (Matthew 12:30-31) but instead in akrasia. Though most messaging regarding the concept of sharing illustrates the action as selfless and “loving”, if done of out of fear, it is no longer in alignment with God’s word (1 John 4:18).

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”- 1 John 4:18

In fact, any form of giving that is brought on by manipulation, force, shame or guilt is not rooted in love but rooted in fear or self-preservation (Matthew 10:28, Proverbs 29:25).

This is the antithesis to the love of God. Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is say “no” (Joshua 1:9).

True love is not driven by fear. In fact, true love is void of fear. True love also cares for others, as you care for self (Leviticus 19:18). Actions done in fear, are exactly that. Fear-based actions, not love, and nothing else. Do not be deceived.

I learned this truth the hard way in adulthood. I found I couldn’t continue people-pleasing out of trauma and also meet my own needs, while staying in capacity of my own load in life.

Can you relate?

If you find yourself doing something out of fear, re-examine the circumstances before you. Are you saying yes out of fear of losing something? Perhaps a potential job promotion, a friendship, being seen in a different way, consequences of retaliation (i.e., harm, bullying, etc.)?

If so, it may be time to walk away from said friendship, relationship or opportunity. A true friend loves at all times and thinks about their friend’s needs, as much as their own (Proverbs 17:17). A real man will protect you, not control you. A company worthwhile will understand the need for a life-work balance (Mark 6:31, Exodus 20:8).

Boundaries are important. Our yes’s being true yes’s and our no’s being no’s, are equally important (Matthew 5:37).

“All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”- Matthew 5:37

Moreso, it is crucial to recognize that other’s happiness and needs to do not fall on or depend all on us (Galatians 6:5). We are responsible for self, our processing and our reactions (Romans 12:12). To believe otherwise is a lie from the enemy and seeds of erroneous people-pleasing and fear of man.

Dear reader, if you struggle with this, remember the cross. Jesus Christ walked to the end of himself not because he chose to please people, but because he chose to please God. This alone, caused hatred, resentment and evil actions from those around him.

If he had chosen to please those around him or focus on fear of man, instead of God, we would not have our salvation guaranteed (Mark 8:33). Humanity would be lost for eternity.

There’s a price to pay with boundaries. Avoid complying out of fear. Instead, focus on truly loving people the LORD’s way.

God bless.