It’s been about a two-month adventure in weekend renovations and installation of kitchen cabinets at my mom’s house. Still not done, mind you. I have learned an array of new things alongside my husband, while almost losing a finger during usage of a reciprocating saw. Yet, I can proudly say I learned about different screw heads, maneuvering of drills, pocket hole makers, multi-tools, measurement, leveling, sanding, painting, sealing, etc. You name it, I think I did it.

But one particular thing I learned that really cut deeper than that saw did (by the Grace of God), was the power of my words as a wife.

Let’s go back to my comment about the reciprocating saw. My husband and I had found ourselves in a predicament, after we realized we forgot the proper head piece for the drill. This piece was required for cutting a circular hole into the corners of the countertop for the sink installation. This left us with the following two options: 1) Using the reciprocating saw, and/or 2) circular saw. None of which were ideal.

After a few attempts by my husband with the circular saw, I couldn’t help but notice the cuts were not as straight as they could be. And with this particular sink, the measurements were so tight, we had no wiggle room for error.

Here’s when that sneaky, fleshy, and prideful B.C. (Before Christ) wife mentality stuck its ugly head out.

“Hey, babe, let me try, but with the reciprocating saw. Your lines are crooked and…well…you know we can’t really mess this up.”

“Hmm…sure, go right ahead…” my husband replied with a downcast stare, so visible to even a blind person.

Still determined to “get it right”, I proceeded to cut and bend the blade at the corner angle. That’s when the reciprocating saw nearly took my finger off, as the blade flew and missed it by millimeters and lodged into the wood before me.

“Babe, are you ok?!” my ever-so-caring husband shrieked.

“I am,” I answered shocked at what just had happened.

As I stood there for a minute, conviction hit. I had done it again, tried to rise above my husband-believing the lie that I can do it better. And, please, do not get me wrong. There are things that I am more gifted in. But when this mentality is the main “m.o.” there’s a serious, self-righteous and pride problem.

I had victory in this area years ago, and proudly had put this to death. Yet, here I was, seeing it’s ugly head sneak out in an intense and high stress situation.

In this brief moment, I realized I sucked the confidence and life out of him with my seemingly “helpful” attempts. Yet, he lovingly didn’t hold it against me. To my shame. My words clearly left him rendered in defeat.

It was in this moment that I was reminded of the following scriptures:

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”- Proverbs 14:1

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” -Proverbs 18:21

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up…”-1 Thessalonians 5:11

With the Lord’s word piercing my heart, I turned to look at my husband, placed my hand on his shoulder and stated…

“Hey, you actually did a great job with the circular saw. I know you can do it. Your hand is much steadier than mine, and your cuts by far better than mine too. I don’t know what I was thinking earlier. If we mess up the cut, I am sure you will figure something out. We have figured out uneven walls, slanted floors, and missing studs.”

“You know, you make me nervous. I just want to get it right,” he responded.

“I know you do. I will walk away. I do not want to be a distraction. You got this,” I mouthed as I turned around and proceeded to finish painting the cabinets.

And before I knew it, he had cut the parallel perimeter lines for the sink perfectly! Later, dual attempts of using a hammer to break off the circular corners would follow, and then a perfect sink staring back at us.

A true feat.

And proud wife moment.

Yet convicting.

This moment served as a reminder of how as a wife I can literally contribute to the temperature of a situation. I can aid in the day feeling like doomsday or be part of the hope found in the LORD.

Don’t be the foolish wife, like I was for a moment. Be the wise one. Be your husband’s number one cheerleader. Believe the best in each other. You already have the world, the enemy, and flesh doing the dirty work of shaming. Choose to be part of the kingdom work of building each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). The beauty on the other side of loving each other the Lord’s way is well worth putting down pride and false, self-righteous pretense.

Be blessed.